Key to a Successful Marriage \ Relationship | Opportunities4success ...

Hello everyone, what is the key to a successful marriage? That is a hard question to answer. Now I?m not a Dr. Phil or someone who has been educated in Marriage counseling or have any kind of great degrees in the subject, but I can share what I have learned though the school of life. During my marriage I did look into different books and video?s regarding relationships and marriage, such as Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray. Final one that I checked into, after I was told that she wanted a divorce was Fireproof, I even tried the 40 day Love dare, but in all cases she would have no part in it. I think that by the last attempt it was already too late.

Please do not let your marriage get to that point, especially if you have children. It is much to important for you, your spouse and mostly the kids not to at least try to work things out.

Now, if you have read my other posts you know that I was married, that is was, went through a divorce and still dealing with the subject, why do you ask should you listen to what I have to say? Because I have lived though it, been though the bad times, arguments, made mistakes, seen the mistakes of my wife and I know the situation and what it is like to be where you just may be right now. Sure it is great to hear advice from someone who has a college degree and in a good marriage, but when it comes down to it what do they know about the fights and troubles that arise? If you have not lived though something, how can you really know what it is like, sure you can read about it and gain some idea, but you just do not know.

As I look back over the past 17 years, and believe me I have looked, I see what I did that was wrong and of course I can see what my spouse did that was wrong, I know it I lived it. I know ultimately my marriage broke up over money issues, but those would not have been a problem, if we had a stronger relationship to begin with. When the tough times came, we did not have the bond that could withstand the problems that we faced.

Why was that?

This is what I have discovered or learned and I?m sure it is true for many, they are more basic principles of human nature that we all live with. Now, some of this may seem familiar, there are some basic principles, that everyone knows, but let?s get to it.

Firstly, in most cases a marriage problems are not the cause of just one, but problems lie with both partners.now I?m not writing cases where there are abusive relationships or the like, but basic problems that cause discourse in a relationship. In many cases it comes down to basic physics, any action causes an equal but opposite reaction. That goes for most things in life, I see it with my two young boys, one wants the other to do something, but they will not do it, anger erupts, and the fist one tries to force the issue, names are called and unless a parent steps in a fight may ensue. The same can be said of Adults in a relationship or marriage, one partner gets aggravated because the other will not do something or does do what they do not like, the first partner tries to force the issue, the second will react just the opposite of what the first wanted, and of course the first partner gets even more aggravated, because they did not receive the action that they desired, and there is discourse.

1. When in a relationship and contemplating marriage do not go into it thinking the other will change or that you can change them. Firstly if there are things that you do not like about them that are that major, do not get married, It will only cause greater pain and financial loss later. Now with changing the other person, why? If you fell in love with them you love them for what they are, if you change them to what you think you would like, more like, they will no longer be the person that you fell in love with and no matter what you believed or how wonderful you thought it would be if they changed, you will find out that you were wrong, and guess what there will only be more arguments later. Your marriage will fall apart, because that first love is not there and you loved the person that they were, not what they have become. Added to this, the person who the change was forced upon will not be happy, and more problems that you had ever dreamed of will arise.
2. Make your spouse and later family number one in your life. Sure this is a common idea, but we do not always follow it, we may think we are, but we don?t.
3. Preconceived idea?s and ways. We can go into a relationship or marriage with some idea?s on how things should be done, universal truths, but our own concept based on our knowledge base, or our upbringing. Now our spouse has other ideal?s a different knowledge base and upbringing, and these are not always the same as ours. Do not diminish what your spouse brings while forcing your idea?s. If you do you will only make them feel small and insignificant. You are partners, you need to bring and use both ways and standards, work together and see what is best and support one another in your decision and go forward.
4. Do not let anyone else get involved in your marriage!!! If you are going though tough times, everyone has an opinion on what you should do, friends, family, they will try to tell you their thoughts and want you do follow their ways, DON?T DO IT! Unless it deals with what is positive about your spouse or on what you are doing wrong, do not let them get involved. Firstly, they are not you, they are not married nor do they love your spouse, any advice that they give about your spouse will be slanted to their idea and what they feel is best for them, not you or your marriage or relationship. When you are in a marriage, the only thing that matters is the spouse, and the family that you have created, not the wants and wishes of others on the outside. Now again I do not speak to relationships where there is danger or abuse.
5. Be 100% true and faithful to your spouse, this is self-explanatory.
6. Do not assume what your spouse is doing or thinking or what they will do. As humans we think people will react in a certain way, they do not. That is because our vision of how we think they will react or what they will do is clouded by our own ideas and our idea of how we will react.
7. You deal with your family, let your spouse deal with theirs, if there is a true bond of love here between the two of you this will work. Each one has to have the strength to tell their family to butt out or stop doing one thing or the other that is damaging your relationship, you have no right to speak to your spouse?s family and they cannot speak to yours. This is a big test of each one and the love for each other.
8. Forgive and forget. This is a major one, we all make mistakes in life, in relationships and a marriage. Let the past remain in the past, it is over and done with, if you keep digging it up and throwing your spouses mistakes in their face, what do you gain? It is over and done with, cannot be changed, unless it is a continuing problem, it should not be brought up, it will only cause discourse and the end of your marriage or relationship.
9. Do not let anger or an argument go on for days, if you love one another, this will not be a problem, as it has been said, do not go to sleep angry.
10. Do not keep any secrets, if there is trouble tell the other, feel free to talk to the other,. work things though together, do not try to work on everything yourself. Trust your spouse, they can be a great help in times of trouble. Be open and honest at all times, do not hide any difficulties.

I have given 10 suggestions here follow these and it will aid you in a successful marriage and relationship. Both partners need to adhere to these. You are together and need to grow as one. Grow to be each others best friend and confidant. Have a long and happy life together. Then when the tough times come, as they always do, your relationship will be able to withstand them, if you are bound together. Thanks for your time, if you have any comments, idea?s or suggestions, please post them, and please subscribe to this little blog of mine, it can be of great assistance in your journey to success in your life. We will never share your email with anyone.

Thanks for your time

Kevin

Source: http://opportunities4success.com/2012/09/24/key-to-a-successful-marriage-relationship/

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